Although, by the time you read this, I will be near the end of this particular adventure… Ah, the beauty of scheduling posts… Okay, so.
I’m going an adventure.
And I’m dreading it.
If you recall my post on “Connotations of the FUTURE,” I tend to feel really excited about stuff (like this “adventure”) in the beginning. But then as that event draws nearer, reality begins to set in and I realize: Oh no–a new (social) experience.
No me gustarlo.
What is this super exciting/dreadful adventure, you ask? Well, it’s not a new job or new class or anything as simple as I mentioned in the above post. It’s actually a legitimate new experience; something I’ve never done before: I’m going on a “retreat” for diversity and leadership (I say “retreat” because I always thought retreats were supposed to be outdoorsy and camp-y or something to that extent, but when I asked, I was informed I would “be spending very little time outside,” so…). Isn’t that pretty cool? Yeah, I thought so. And so did my friend who referred me to this workshop, which is why I felt compelled to apply in the first place. I mean, if someone else believes in me, why shouldn’t I?
So I was excited and applied and was accepted (obviously–otherwise I wouldn’t even be talking about this), and it was only then I came to the realizations:
- I’m not diverse
- I’m not a leader
How exactly am I supposed to do well at this “retreat” thing if I don’t meet the only two guidelines it seems to have? Now, I could unleash my English major arguments on you and say: everyone’s diverse beneath the surface or there are all sorts of leaders, thus, anyone’s capable of taking on such a role, and okay, yeah that’s technically true. But what I’ve gathered from this particular experience and its criterion (without actually having had the experience), the more commonly known connotations of diversity and leadership are what we’re working with. (Oh. Ending on a preposition… Don’t you love my terrible grammar habits in this paragraph just after I noted my English major status? Perks of being an English major: 1. After berating everyone for not following grammatical rules properly, you inadvertently break them in your everyday speech/writing 🙂 ) So anyways, this is going to be quite the experience. And when I say quite, I’m using the British connotation.
I know, I know. In the grand scheme of things this will likely all be fine and there will have been nothing to worry about (er, nothing about which to worry). That’s the story of my life. But knowing this is typically how things happen–that things usually work out in teh end, relatively speaking–does not ease ease my anxiety. And if you think this should, you clearly don’t know how anxiety works, no offense (though sometimes I don’t even know how anxiety works…). So even though I’m pretty much destined to have a relatively decent time or to at least learn a lot about others and myself, I still have waste an unnecessary amount of energy worrying until I actually begin this adventure. Lucky for you guys (or maybe not…?), I’ll be sure to write a short update once I return, so you’ll only have to endure this dreary, Debbie-downer post a short while. 🙂
Alrighty, let’s do this.