In honor of moving back to my university’s campus tomorrow, I thought I’d write a bit about my thoughts on first days. If the title of this post is any indication, first days are just…awful. No matter how many I suffer through (and as a now junior in college, I’ve had a lot), I never enjoy them. And I know why: the primary reason being I don’t like change.
First days are made up of change and new, and my poor little routine-loving self can hardly cope with it. I like knowing what to expect–to an extent. But with first days, you don’t have that. Now, I don’t need to wake up at exactly 6:02 a.m. everyday or know that every time I walk to my British Lit class I’ll pass the same guy with his earbuds in, blasting some indie rock song. That’s a little too routine, even for me. But doing similar things everyday and seeing the same people allow me to familiarize myself with my surroundings and better connect, and that provides me with a sense of comfort. First days disrupt that.
The irony of this is first days typically lead to routine; that’s why they are called first days. Literally the first day of a new routine. Because after Day 1, everything falls into place and a new familiar–a new comfort–is set in place. I suppose what bothers me most is this new first day disrupts the routine derived from the previous first day and so on. It’s a vicious cycle. Everything always turns out just fine, though (relatively speaking) but being the anxious individual I am, I always, always, ALWAYS nervously anticipate whatever is in store for me.
I attribute most of this worry to people. New people. I promise I do not hate people or meeting new people, no matter how many of those introvert myths tell you otherwise. But again, this originates back to not knowing what to expect. What kind of person will they be? Are they nice? Will they accept my all-around awkwardness? What if we have nothing in common? What if our personalities completely clash? What if…Pretty much the rest of my worries from then on pertain to crazy “what-if” scenarios. Things I’m sure most people don’t worry about. At least at my school. We are of the calm, collected, and optimistic sort. I don’t know if this is an introvert thing are just a Quinn thing, but to feel truly comfortable and connected with people, I need to get to know them over a period of time. And sometimes even then I don’t fully connect with everyone I come into contact with. Again, having endured so many first days, I admit that most people I’ve met, like 99.99%, are actually awesome in some way or another, or at least halfway decent, even if I don’t fully get on well with them. But because I’m me, I must worry. Even though it’ll totally turn out okay, like it always does. Seriously, the people at my school are known for being waaaaaay nice. So… what do people with non-first-world problems stress about? (That’s a rhetorical question. Please don’t guilt me by actually answering.)
Though there are certainly other, smaller reasons contributing to my disdain for first days, my lack of enthusiasm for change in routine and new, scary people secure the top items on The List. As I’ve iterated several times in this post, and am about to do again, everything works out after that first day. My brain apparently just likes to stress for fun. What do YOU think of first days? For those of you who don’t mind them, what do you recommend for managing intense worrying? (Those questions were actually sincere this time. :))